The Reason Why
I was unhappy. I was pretending to be happy; trying to convince myself that life could be better this way, if I just gave it a shot. Hence, my relationship with P began. But I want to put it out that I was unhappy, and I wasn't true too. I was so heart-broken in the past, I was convinced to never fall in love with someone ever again because all of that, was just not worth the risk.
However, when the time came, when I saw someone like P showing me how much I could be loved as me had truly touched me. But this relationship was never meant to happen because little did we know things would change so drastically.
In the midst of everything, P soon got tired of my tired soul. He wanted to love my tired heart, but I knew it from the start that I couldn't give him the love he deserved; needed. There were so many things in the way, I hated the way he thought about life. We were just absolute opposites, we were two worlds apart. We breathe different air, we live life for different reasons. I am so sorry to say this but me being in a relationship with him just felt stagnant. And it wasn't enough for me. I wanted love as deep as the oceans. I soon realised that I was always very depressed, despite always emitting positivity, despite it all I realised something and that was, " could a positive person be depressed? "
I knew I should have ended that relationship sooner, but something was holding me back. The irony, huh? I always try to look for the good in the bad, as for P, many people may view him as a f*cked up person. But all I saw was a broken child, eyes still filled with hope. And now I have become the monster who crushed it all. I am truly a monster. But who are we to judge? We don't get to choose who we hurt and who hurts us. Life just throws things at us along the way, and there must be a reason for it, right?
I left, because I was unhappy.
For giving myself, a chance to be happy
For leaving him, stopping whatever that has been holding me back from finding true happiness,
I am the person to be blamed for.
Not him,
Not all the hurt I was put through that nobody understood.
Don't forget that just because someone is smiling all the time could be as sad, as hurt, as upset as the one whose always crying. Don't forget that I am human too. I may not show much about the way I feel but I am no superhero, I am just a plain jane.
I couldn't be with someone just because it makes them happy and not me. This is not love.
I felt as though everything I did was not good enough, and for every action P did, he made it reflect on me. For every bad thing that goes in his way, felt like it was my fault.
Not anymore.
Also don't forget, once a toxic person can no longer control you, they will start to control what others think of you.
Him.
But he was never any sort of rebound, he didn't save me; but he did. All I know is, meeting him has slowly made me better. But it wasn't the things he was doing for me but rather the person he is. That person slowly made me save myself without even realising. I've finally met him, with a mind I could fall in love with. In many cases, I could fall for a person's personality and have a war with their mind. And that made me question myself, whether it was love at all; how could I have loved someone but never with the things they think about, the way the think about life.
I was so happy, but I wasn't obliged to feel happy all the damn time.
I could be sad, I could be overthinking, I could be whoever I am, whatever I am.
" The ones who notice the storms in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in. "
They say the only thing stronger than love is time. And meeting him at a time like this, and falling at the same time, feeling absolutely everything, like huge waves just washed our shores clean. Right now, I am so in love, more than ever and I have never been happier. I want P to be happy too, and I hope this gives you hope because noting after seeing the light in my eyes disappear, and losing all hope I once had, but suddenly, burning so bright, it kinda feels like I bloomed.
However, when the time came, when I saw someone like P showing me how much I could be loved as me had truly touched me. But this relationship was never meant to happen because little did we know things would change so drastically.
In the midst of everything, P soon got tired of my tired soul. He wanted to love my tired heart, but I knew it from the start that I couldn't give him the love he deserved; needed. There were so many things in the way, I hated the way he thought about life. We were just absolute opposites, we were two worlds apart. We breathe different air, we live life for different reasons. I am so sorry to say this but me being in a relationship with him just felt stagnant. And it wasn't enough for me. I wanted love as deep as the oceans. I soon realised that I was always very depressed, despite always emitting positivity, despite it all I realised something and that was, " could a positive person be depressed? "
I knew I should have ended that relationship sooner, but something was holding me back. The irony, huh? I always try to look for the good in the bad, as for P, many people may view him as a f*cked up person. But all I saw was a broken child, eyes still filled with hope. And now I have become the monster who crushed it all. I am truly a monster. But who are we to judge? We don't get to choose who we hurt and who hurts us. Life just throws things at us along the way, and there must be a reason for it, right?
I left, because I was unhappy.
For giving myself, a chance to be happy
For leaving him, stopping whatever that has been holding me back from finding true happiness,
I am the person to be blamed for.
Not him,
Not all the hurt I was put through that nobody understood.
Don't forget that just because someone is smiling all the time could be as sad, as hurt, as upset as the one whose always crying. Don't forget that I am human too. I may not show much about the way I feel but I am no superhero, I am just a plain jane.
I couldn't be with someone just because it makes them happy and not me. This is not love.
I felt as though everything I did was not good enough, and for every action P did, he made it reflect on me. For every bad thing that goes in his way, felt like it was my fault.
Not anymore.
Also don't forget, once a toxic person can no longer control you, they will start to control what others think of you.
Him.
But he was never any sort of rebound, he didn't save me; but he did. All I know is, meeting him has slowly made me better. But it wasn't the things he was doing for me but rather the person he is. That person slowly made me save myself without even realising. I've finally met him, with a mind I could fall in love with. In many cases, I could fall for a person's personality and have a war with their mind. And that made me question myself, whether it was love at all; how could I have loved someone but never with the things they think about, the way the think about life.
I was so happy, but I wasn't obliged to feel happy all the damn time.
I could be sad, I could be overthinking, I could be whoever I am, whatever I am.
" The ones who notice the storms in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in. "
They say the only thing stronger than love is time. And meeting him at a time like this, and falling at the same time, feeling absolutely everything, like huge waves just washed our shores clean. Right now, I am so in love, more than ever and I have never been happier. I want P to be happy too, and I hope this gives you hope because noting after seeing the light in my eyes disappear, and losing all hope I once had, but suddenly, burning so bright, it kinda feels like I bloomed.
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