The things I couldn't say.


I don't know what to say or do..

There are so many things I want to say but I've to stop myself. Because I don't want to get your hopes up. If you ever read this.. I wanted to say.. that I've honestly been waiting my whole life for someone like you to come by, someone so perfect like you. But I don't know what to do now that this day has come because I can't give a broken me away. I want to do it when I'm fixed but I don't know if that day will ever come by and I may seem heartless now, but I rather let you hurt this bit than to get hurt in the long run. I would hate myself if I were to disappoint or hurt you.

I cannot lose the moon while dancing among the stars. I cannot. I cannot lose something I feel so much for, for infatuation. I love him, you know it, you know it through my actions, don't tell me you haven't seen the way my smile curves when I talk about him or the way my eyes look when I say I'm sad he's going away for awhile. Even through my facade, I'm pretty sure you've felt it. That's why you've come to accept the fact that we are just friends.

I said " You know who loves who more right? "
He said, " Yes."
But I replied, " It's okay though. "
He asked, "why? " and I said " because I accept the love I think I deserve. "

He kept quiet, I wasn't quite sure what was running through his mind. But It didn't bother me.
I know he cares about me and loves me. But sometimes I feel like he loves me for loving him. You know what I mean?

I guess I've learnt what love is, Its choosing the imperfect person over the perfect person.

I'm still uncertain of whats going to happen. Things may be different months, or even years after. I can't predict whats going to happen, I guess that's the beauty of life. Life, I'm ready for you to surprise me once more.

But please, this time, let it hurt less.


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